| What
Do I Say, After I Say, "Hello"?
There
are lots of people out there who have an absolute terror of talking
to strangers. This fear however, is generally totally unfounded.
Some
arrive at a networking function feeling a little nervous, because
they don't know many of the people attending. This often causes
them to leave their personality at the venue doorstep. They are
unable to start or finish conversations and usually have a miserable
time. They leave, vowing never to return and to avoid future networking
events at all costs.
Comfort
zones
However,
back in their comfort zone, they can express opinions on just
about anything and rarely allow themselves to feel intimidated
by anything or anyone.
So,
we may surmise that it is actually our nerves and fear of meeting
strangers that sometimes gets the better of us at these events.
Therefore, to improve your networking skills, it will help dramatically
if you work on improving your conversation skills.
Think
about some of the better communicators in your networks - what
makes them different? Is it that they do any or all of the following:
- listen
to your answer
- allow
you to finish your response without interrupting
- make
eye contact
- genuinely
act as if they do care about your answer
- somehow
make you feel special
- follow
up when they say they will
- offer
helpful suggestions
- remember
snippets of previous conversations you may have had.
The
one thing each of these great communicators do, is make a heart
to heart connection with you.
This
is not in a romantic sense. Rather the listener focuses on you
and the conversation you are having together. Whether there are
one or five people in the group, they are focussed on the general
conversation. They are not distracted. They are "in the moment"
or "in the now".
When
we speak from our heads, we often become flustered and nervous,
stumbling over words. We are so worried about what we are going
to say next or what a word means or whether we are wearing the
right clothes, etc., etc. With all this head stuff happening,
anyone having a conversation with us, just thinks we are uninterested
in their answers and distracted.
When
we make that heart to heart connection, we listen actively to
the conversation. We don't have to worry about what we are going
to say next, because when we are listening, we receive lots of
cues for responses or more questions. If we are quiet long enough,
we can even learn lots of things.
Think
for a moment of the last time you had a conversation with someone
over the phone and you knew, possibly by the background noise
or by their distracted manner, that they were not listening to
you. Their mind was elsewhere - they were definitely not in the
"now".
Then,
think about a phone conver-sation with someone who was in the
now and listened actively and with a focus. More often than not,
the conver-sation was quality not quantity. You both kept to the
point, said what you had to say, and agreed on an outcome.
Conversations
at networking events are no different to phone conversations,
we want to feel that the person we are speaking to is in fact
listening.
Effective
networkers have a belief system that every single person they
meet is incredibly interesting and has much to contribute to any
conversation.
Key
to making connection
When
you focus on that heart to heart connection, once the conversation
starts, it generally flows. The key to making the connection is
basically you are treating people the way you would like to be
treated yourself.
If
you knew everyone in the room and a stranger walked into the room,
what would they be hoping someone in the room would do? Befriend
them of course, just as they would do if positions were reversed.
So,
the next time you see a person standing alone and looking a little
nervous or out of place, talk to them. Say, "Hi, my name is…,
mind if I join you?" Or, even better, catch their eye and invite
them to join your group.
If
by chance you befriend someone who does not want to join in your
conversation, that's okay. At least you extended the hand of friendship
to them.
| Good
networkers usually have a couple of open ended questions
prepared. Here are a few examples:
- What
was the highlight of your weekend/day/holiday?
- What
tips would you give someone, who has never attended one
of these events?
- I
may already know someone who could do business with you,
what would your ideal client look like?
- What's
your opinion on…?
- What's
your favourite…? restaurant, movie, sport, etc.
- Your…
looks great, where did you buy your…(jacket, tie,
etc.)?
- What
do you like most about your…job, home, living in…?
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